Funny quotes and images - page 3
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|A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction
disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications
equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten
sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE
AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign read: "YOU
ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to
steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground,
the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER"
sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building
because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer."
|The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered
lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how
to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement
that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt
ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206")
Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of
the active runway."
Ground: "Guten morgen! You will taxi to your gate!"
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxi way and slowed to
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate location
Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never
flown to Frankfurt before?!?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing.
I didn't stop."
A plane is on its way to London when a blonde in Economy Class gets up
and moves to the First Class and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She
then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have
to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde , I'm beautiful, I'm going to London
and I'm staying right here!"
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the
co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs
in Economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because
she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her Economy
The blond replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to London
and I'm staying right here!"
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he should probably have the police waiting
when they land, to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blond and have
learned to speak 'blonde!'"
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and with out a question
she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.
The flightattendant and the co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he
said to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her First Class wasn't going to London!"
|Courtesy of the BBC
"Israeli premier Ehud Barak escaped unhurt when a jet carrying him
and his party was in collision with a baggage truck on the tarmac at Manchester
The Israeli Air Force Boeing 707 was maneuvering during a refueling stop
when the accident happened late on Thursday night. Mr. Barak's senior
policy adviser, Danny Yatom said: 'It is good that it happened on the
ground and not in the air.'"
|A woman called and said, 'I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those
computer planes.' I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter
plane. She said, 'Yeah, whatever.'
|A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description
on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No,
why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the
airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight,
is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while
I "looked into it." (I was actually laughing.) I came back and
explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just
putting a destination tag on her luggage.
|A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of
a great forest fire.
He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.
The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure
enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment
and shouted, "Let's go!"
The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind,
and soon they were in the air but flying erratically.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer,
"and make several low-level passes."
"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer.
"I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."
The pilot replied, "You mean eh.. you're not the flight instructor...?"
|A/C: "LHR Ground, Speedbird 123 request taxi."
GND: "Speedbird 123, hold position, you'll be following a Virgin with
a tight slot."
A/C: "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and,
er, we've forgotten our callsign"
RAD: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid
One and Stupid Two"
Overheard on flight into Amarillo, Texas. on a particularly windy and
bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to
fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on
the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.
Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain
taxis what's left of our aeroplane to the gate!"
"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking
in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately"
|Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to
thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the
insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurised metal tube,
we hope you'll think of us here at XXXXXXXXX Airways.
|After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came
on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain
Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against
the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are
silence, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage
to the terminal.
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